In the studio… and no apologies.

This painting (“Life Between” 36x48 inches, oil on canvas, 2026) was among the many ideas that began during my hiatus. As with nearly all of my projects, it evolved as it appeared and the canvas spoke back.

I’ll save the physical process for another post but as I layered in the marks and called it finished I had a 12 hour crisis. Stupid, irrational, and disrespectful to the work, self-doubt and even fear bedeviled my spirit.

Not my ever -present “imposter syndrome” and garden variety self-criticism. No, this was an internal voice which was attempting to pick apart my expressions as unworthy, and an affront to the very linage I am trying to honor. That my edge work, my intentionality, and my lack of experience with the material made a mockery of the material I was attempting to make use of. The fact that the painting isn’t how I feed myself and my family makes it divorced from who I am.

Then I thought that, this very criticism proves that the work is authentically my transfer of gesture into color and form.

My MS won’t let me create perfect edges, my scared brain matter leaves my reflexes exaggerated and my emotional patete overflowing In short, my unique person is forming unique communication with the paint. I have an earned history with the physical materials, the stories of human experience, and now exploring how the two can collaborate to excavate.

Sure, maybe it’s just for an audience of one and maybe only my soul understands it. I hope it’s more than that, but if it’s not, I am not going to give a lick if it’s not MFA quality work.

So, if my work looks like it’s directed by a raccoon on meth so be it. The dignity of the effort is secure, not withstanding the unavoidable imperfections that pave the way to something… else.

I offer no apologies. For the broken edges, the studio smudging, or if these prevent you from finding how your soul responds to my portal.

The piece that catalyzed this navel gazing is here, I call: “Life Between.” Here’s its evolution: (This last imag in yellow was done earlier this month and is the same idea but with yellow that I later overlaid a totus motif.)

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“Life between”. 36x48 inches oil on canvas.